I Just Hit A Wall

Let me clarify for those of you who know me and for those that don't. No, I didn't literally hit a wall, just figuratively, rest easy my friends! For those of you who don't know me...I may or may not but more than likely have in the past bounced off more than a few things with multiple cars mostly in my youth or even as recently as 2 years ago whatever... so that's where any cause for those who do know me would come in (hypothetically! hehe). Seriously though, we have been sitting on our mountain of praise telling everyone joyfully that yes we are FINALLY on our way to Ethiopia after literally a year process and holding our sweet boy's pic for 10.5 months now, yup we were running to everyone, on the phone more than we should've been I'm sure, proclaiming our days were numbered as a family of 5. And then we got a phone call. One that I should've prepared for because if anyone is going to hit a roadblock it's us. We've had more than our fair share of delays in this adoption. And here's yet another.... So we're awaiting a t.b. test before our travel dates are confirmed. Another roadblock, yup I'm pretty sure this makes a baker's dozen!We can't travel to Ethiopia to pick up our son til he has tested negative for t.b. AH!
Last night I told Faithie my heart is just sad. I want him home, I want to begin our lives as a family of 6. Whatever the future holds I'm wanting to be there now not in another month. (I'm sure I'll look back on this and think "What was the rush again?" But right now that's where I'm at) So last night between playing on the scooter and almost giving me a stinkin heart attack going down the church ramp, Faithie would come over periodically and we'd lift our cause to the Lord. Faithie told me her heart is sad too, she wants to share her toys with her new brother, she wants to play with him and teach him English.
So I emailed my case worker to get the scoop from her because God love him Jason doesn't give details, he gives vauge - I think that's what she said kinda answers. And I had to hear for myself that our plans are halted or pushed back. So my oh so sweet case worker called me and we talked. Oh how nice to hear a woman's touch in a conversation where I really needed not only answers but hope. So it looks like our orphanage director thinks we still might be traveling if we can get the t.b. test done. They are cutting it close for reasons unknown to me but it's out of my hands. So this morning feeling the weight of the unknown I laid in the tub and thought I need to pray scripture. (When the bottom feels like it's falling out of things, I pray scripture). And it feels like somebody let all the air out of my balloon. So I got Hopie to school and called my oh so wonderfully inspiring girlfriend who spoke hope to my soul when I really needed it. Thank you Nichole. With every word I felt your heartbeat as tears streamed down my cheeks (and I'm also thankful I didn't get ticket!) I know we are prayed for, I know our son is meant to be in our family. I know God is God and this will all be ok. He'll be home before we know it and we'll look back and think, "What we're all those days of worry for?" I know I trust God with my heart, my problems, my situation and my son I haven't even met yet. I know that I know that I KNOW Jesus will hold my hand when it "feels" like the world is collapsing.
So I open my bible and where better to start to read in crisis than Psalms. So I open up to Psalm 12 and read it. Ok it's fine. Then I keep reading to Psalm 13:5-6

But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
for he has been good to me.

And yes he has. This too shall pass (as my mother always tells me).
Yes we have plane tickets that will continue to be on hold.
Yes for next week we have our children taken care of while we are gone and won't cancel those arrangements.
Yes we still have far too much packing to do, a few more doses of oral typhoid fever vaccine to take, endless prescriptions to fill and take with us, donations to pack, prayers to pray, and sleep to LOSE!
And you know what - I'm singin to the Lord the whole time. Why? Because this can crush my spirit or I can hold His hand and give Him the glory and praise for however this all shakes out. Since this adoption started, I can look back and see how He has delicately weaved a path for us and this isn't looking like the tapestry I thought but it will still be beautiful, God will still recieve glory, and I will continue to lift my eyes to the ONE who gives me hope and strength.
But as for now, my ultimate nemisis awaits - LAUNDRY!!

Please pray with us that we are able to meet our son quickly, my heart is ready, my mind is ready (well what's left of it, I think it's mostly gone!).

And I'm singin to the God
who brings redemption to the nations,
Kings and oceans bow to him in praise.
And I’m singing to the God
Who wrote the book on our salvation
To the One Who covers me in grace
I’m singing

Sing with me,

kala