I'm no country girl, that's for sure!

Ok, I'm going to post this because everyone I tell laughs so hard they start tearing up. It's funny but in all seriousness this actually happened as I will cut and paste the exact email I sent my mother who I KNEW would appreciate the reality of the following information.

Also, I need to preface this with the following. #1: I am a down right cheapskate. Not just frugal mind you, I'm cheap. I will use everything down to the last drop, and even skip buying things I need in order to not spend money. I would like to credit my mother with this ingrained sense of frugality/or cheaponess (I'm pretty sure that's not a word - yet - but it is now). #2 due to Mikey's 'anything related to a cow allergy' which entails no beef,gelatin,whey, or casein let alone full on dairy, we eat a lot of chicken, turkey, and he eats beef free hotdogs if I don't feel like avoiding beef.
All that to say this: I am ALWAYS looking for cheap ways to include meat in meals without spending large amounts of money. SO...... I heard about using whole fryer chickens, using a crock pot and shredding the meat for recipes. This sounded GREAT to me because a local store had them on sale. So last week I called Jason and asked him to pick up a few whole fryers so I could prep some meat and have it ready to use in dinners - nice idea right? I thought so. Ok soooo.... Jas being the dear he is bought 2 whole fryer chickens and I then realized, oh wait I really don't even know how to prep a chicken ,something I failed to take into account prior to the demand I mean request for the purchase of meat.
The following is the actual email sent to my mother after the um.... event? Is that the right word???

Ok so i found some great recipes that call for shredded chicken. and i've been waiting for a good deal on a whole chicken i can slow cook and shred the meat with right. ok so wrays has them on sale for .79/lb. not bad for a few different meal options. so i had jas pick up 2 whole chickens.
then i had to google how to clean and prep a whole chicken (since the idea or reality hasn't ever come to mind.....) so i read the directions:
1.wash hands with warm water and soap
2. remove gizzards from inside (save for gravy, um yea right this is ambitious enough for me)
3. skin chicken if desiring skinless meat
4. prep with salt and pepper and in this case i'm slow cookin it/her/him whatever it used to be..anyway so here's what happened:


step 1: i washed my hands!
step 2: for me was removing the wrapping it was in and here's where i almost puked
i SWEAR there was hair on it's butt. not jokin, and i lost it. i'm not stickin my hand in ANY part of a dead chicken.
step 3:call jason and BEG him to please come help me with the chicken, i just knew i was gonna puke.
step 4: NOT watch him as he tries to clean out the chicken and so generously informs me of all he's doing (blech)
step 5: drop the bird in the crock pot, add salt and pepper crank her up and write my mom and email!
hehehe. i'm such a city girl! the idea of yummy tender shredded chicken sounded great right, the reality of getting to the point where it's tender and yummy is almost more than i can take. i've still got the heebeegeebees

And so if it wasn't clear to anyone who knows me that I am NOT country material, here in lies your proof that I should NEVER be left to my own wiles to devise cheapo plans and then discover I have NO IDEA what I'm doing!!!!!

By the way, my mom, had the EXACT same experience like 30 years ago, except my dad said when she yanked the chicken out of the bag she held it up by it's legs and FREAKED out saying "I can't do this, it looks like a baby!" And so my dad officially became the chicken cleaner and prep man for that season of their life! - It runs in the family, should I warn my girls??

Kala